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| Yo Mama! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Yo mama's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her. Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way. Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts. Yo mama's so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop. Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks. Yo mama's so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil. Yo mama's so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon. Yo mama's so fat, she wakes up in sections. Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu. Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial. Yo mama's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon. Yo mama's so fat, her yearbook picture is an aerial. Yo mama's so fat, when she put on some BVD's by the time they reached her waist they spelled "BouleVarD." Yo mama's so fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball. Yo mama's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay." Yo mama's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains." Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her. Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it! Yo mama's so fat, she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg. Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them. Yo mama's so fat, we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy. Yo mama's so fat, she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating. Yo mama's so fat, she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight. Yo mama's so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time. Yo mama's so fat, she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American. Yo mama's so fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my ass on the lightbulb. Yo mama's so fat, if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test! Yo mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes. Yo mama's so fat, she has her own area code. Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud. Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party. Yo mama's so fat, when she tried to roll off of me, she was still on me! Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion. Yo mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance! Yo mama's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind. Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone. Yo mama's so fat n black, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill. Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she play offense and defense. Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "Damn." Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs. Yo mama's so fat, your daddy had to roll her in flower and look for the wet spot. Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy dripped out. Yo mama's so fat, she DJ's for the ice cream truck. Yo mama's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell. Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the fuck off." Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car." Yo mama's so fat, no one can talk behind her back. Yo mama's so fat, I gain weight just by watching her eat. Yo mama's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet. Yo mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code. Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world. Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone. Yo mama's so fat, she can't reach her back pocket. Yo mama's so fat, she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs. Yo mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway. Yo mama's so fat, when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders "Thank You, Come Again." Yo mama's so fat, she eats biscuits like tic tacs. Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it. Yo mama's so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool. Yo mama's so fat, she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub. Yo mama's so fat, when she fills up the tub, she fills up the tub. Yo mama's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us! Yo mama's so fat, she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?" Yo mama's so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets. Yo mama's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin. Yo mama's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mama's so fat, she influences the tides. Yo mama's so fat, she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles. Yo mama's so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets. Yo mama's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale. Yo mama's so fat, she has two stomachs: One for meat, one for vegetables. Yo mama's so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds. Yo mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck. Yo mama's so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck. Yo mama's so fat, she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big. Yo mama's so fat, NASA orbits satellites around her. Yo mama's so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Chicago, NY. Yo mama's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller. Yo mama's so fat, she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids. Yo mama's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came & said "break it up!" Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a dollar and made change. Yo mama's so fat, she shows up on radar. Yo mama's so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d. Yo mama's so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out. Yo mama's so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks. Yo mama's so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad. Yo mama's so fat, she uses a pillow case as a sock. Yo mama's so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper. Yo mama's so fat, she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy. Yo mama's so fat, she has 48 midnight snacks. Yo mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. Yo mama's so fat, she can't tie her own shoes. Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas. Yo mama's so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her. Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street everyone yells "Earthquake!" Yo mama's so fat, when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said "Look at the elephant!" Yo mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign. Yo mama's so fat, she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic. Yo mama's so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World. Yo mama's so fat, when I have sex with her I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in. Yo mama's so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping. Yo mama's so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth. Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, little kids yell "Free Willy, Free Willy." Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps. Yo mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too. Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through. Yo mama's so fat, she plays pool with the planets. Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. Yo mama's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet. Yo mama's so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet. Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house. Yo mama's so fat, you could go swimming in her bra. Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo mama's so fat, she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole. Yo mama's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket. Yo mama's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry. Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please." Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man." Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people call her "Taxi!" Yo mama is so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket. Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water. Yo mama's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out. Yo mama's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop. Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to fuck her I didn't know if I was hitting the hole or a roll. Yo mama's so fat, when she fart the whole planet came out. Yo mama's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anerexic. Yo mama's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her. Yo mama's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet. Yo mama's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out. Yo mama's so fat, when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo mama's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation. Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama's so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground. Yo mama's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seatbelts. Yo mama's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees. Yo mama's so fat, and her back is so crooked, when she lays down...people say "I didn't know we had mountains." Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips. Yo mama's so fat, they call her "Big Fat Ho." Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo mama's so big, her belly button's got an echo. Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide. Yo mama's so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop. Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings. Yo mama's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most" Yo mama's so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway. Yo moma's so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings! Yo mama's so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide. Yo mama's so big, when she stands up the sun goes out. Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said 'concentrate'. Yo mama's so stupid, she has 1 toe & bought a pair of flip flops Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind. Yo mama's so stupid, she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo mama's so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot-out. Yo mama's so stupid, she gave birth to you. Yo moma's so stupid, she told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk." Yo mama's so stupid, when the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the 'Any' key. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought 2pac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. Yo mama's so stupid, when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said "Cherry or grape?" Yo mama's so stupid, she sat in a tree house because she wanted to be a branch manager. Yo mama's so stupid, she saw a billboard that said "Dodge Trucks" and she started ducking through traffic. Yo mama's so stupid, she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home. Yo mama's so stupid, she got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor. Yo mama's so stupid, she got shoved in an oven and froze to death. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer. Yo mama's so stupid, she got locked in a meat locker and sweat to death. Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad fucked her she said "Doesn't it go in my mouth?" Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in order. Yo mama's so stupid, she peals M&M's to make chocolate chip cookies. Yo mama's so stupid, her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box. Yo mama's so stupid, she sat on the TV & watched the couch. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought St. Ides was a Catholic church. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo. Yo mama's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. Yo mama's so stupid, she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!" Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR. Yo mama's so stupid, when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone." Yo mama's so stupid, her shirt says TGIF- tits go in first. Yo moma's so stupid, her shoes says TGIF- toes go in front. Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Froot Loop. Yo mama's so stupid, when they said they were playing craps she went and got toilet paper. Yo mama's so stupid, when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. Yo mama's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, Yo mama's so stupid, she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund. Yo mama's so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death. Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change. Yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade. Yo mama's so stupid, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses. Yo mama's so stupid, when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the internet was something you catch fish with. Yo mama's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to mail a letter with food stamps. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court. Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics." Yo mama's so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast. Yo mama's so stupid, she had Dan Quayle check her spelling. Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying! Yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone. Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept."M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not AYo mama's so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K." Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius. Yo mama's so stupid, you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen. Yo mama's so stupid, she got a part time job painting skittles. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio. Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store. Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levis?" Yo mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up. Yo mama's so stupid, she said "what's that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I wanna know". Yo mama's so stupid, she stands up on an empty bus. Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a blood test and failed. Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1" Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought meow mix was a record for cats. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on soul train. Yo mama's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood. Yo mama's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read. Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car. Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon. Yo mama's so stupid, she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment. Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job. Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod. Yo mama's so stupid, she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial. Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass. Yo mama's so stupid, when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved. Yo mama's so stupid, she wiped her ass before she took a shit. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor. Yo mama's so stupid, she wemt to Dr. Dre for a pap smear. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911". Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album. Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company. Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese." Yo mama's so stupid, she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store. Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's. Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo mama's so ugly, well.. look at you! Yo mama's so ugly, she could only be Yo mama. Yo mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks. Yo mama's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her. Yo mama's so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out. Yo mama's so ugly, her face is closed on weekends! Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the flies off a shit wagon. Yo mama's so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it. Yo mama's so ugly, when she gets up, the sun goes down. Yo mama's so ugly, roaches go "Hi mom!" Yo mama's so ugly, she hurt my feelings. Yo mama's so ugly, Rice Krispies won't talk to her. Yo mama's so ugly, she'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness. Yo mama's so ugly, people make jokes about her. Yo mama's so ugly, her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her. Yo mama's so ugly, her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel. Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application. Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back." Yo mama's so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck. Yo mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo mama's so ugly, when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border. Yo mama's so ugly, people go as her for Halloween. Yo mama's so ugly, I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style. Yo mama's so ugly, she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it. Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning. Yo mama's so ugly, she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror. Yo mama's so ugly, she can't even bare the thought of fucking herself. Yo mama's so ugly, I have to watch your sister undress just to calm down. Yo mama's so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes. Yo mama's so ugly, when she cries, tears run down the back of her neck. Yo mama's so ugly, she could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Yo mama's so ugly, the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case. Yo mama's so ugly, they put her face on poster for abstinence. Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on her makeup. Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on water to get a drink. Yo mama's so ugly, when I took her to a haunted house she came out with a paycheck. Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock! Yo mama's so ugly, she has to trick or treat over the phone. Yo mama's so ugly, when she masterbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals. Yo mama's so ugly, she makes onions cry. Yo mama's so ugly, she scares roaches away. Yo mama's so ugly, she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking. Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back. Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd be building a highrise. Yo mama's so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo mama's so ugly, it makes me wish birth control is retroactive. Yo mama's so ugly, your father takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped her mama! Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor smacked everyone. Yo mama's so ugly, the doctor is still smacking her ass. Yo mama's so ugly, your real pops could only be a fuckn' dog. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor smacked the wrong end. Yo mama's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday. Yo mama's so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train. Yo mama's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down. Yo mama's so ugly, when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!" Yo mama's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo mama's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower. Yo mama's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama's so ugly, they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock! Yo mama's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints. Yo mama's so ugly, they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. Yo mama's so ugly, when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her. Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming. Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, her mama saw the afterbirth and said "Twins." Yo mama's so ugly, she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares. Yo mama's so ugly, even a blind man wouldn't have sex with her. Yo mama's so ugly, Yo dad first met her at the pound. Yo mama's so ugly, you could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies. Yo mama's so ugly and fat, Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant. Yo mama was such an ugly baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot. Yo mama's so ugly, she can stand on the front porch and count the chickens in the back. When Yo mama was born they had to take her out of the trash can cause doctor said "Throw this shit away!" Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp. Yo mama's so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch died. Yo mama's so old, she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license. Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment. Yo mama's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories. Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket. Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 1. Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired. Yo mama's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs. Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook. Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper. Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo mama's so old, she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block. Yo mama's so old, she owes Jesus a nickel. Yo mama's so old, she owes Moses a quarter. Yo mama's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number. Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class. Yo mama's so old, when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch. Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing. Yo mama's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces. Yo mama's so old, she planted the first tree at Central Park. Yo mama's so old, her birthday expired. Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote the ten commandments. Yo mama's so old, she farts out mummy dust. Yo mama's so old, she squirts powdered milk out her nipples. Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo mama's so old & ugly, her name is Ape. Yo mama's so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white. Yo mama's so old, she watches PBS. Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Jesus. Yo mama's got a 4 dollar weave and don't know when to leave. Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than other and they call her call her hip hop. Yo mama's got 1 toe & 1 knee and they call her Tony. Yo mama's got a bald head with a part and sideburns. Yo mama's got a metal afro with rusty sideburns. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it. Yo mama's got a pegleg with a kickstand. Yo mama's got everything a man could want. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with branches. Yo mama's got an afro with a chin strap! Yo mama's got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator. Yo mama got hit upside the head with an ugly stick. Yo mama's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. Yo mama's got more crust than bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic. Yo mama's got no fingers talking bout how she wanted to be with the Pointer sisters. Yo mama's got no fingers talking bout how she's gonna press charges. Yo mama's got no legs and always talking about how she used to kick it. Yo mama's got one ear, talking bout she wants to hear both sides of the story. Yo mama's got no ears and was trying on sunglasses. Yo mama's got one eye, one leg, one arm and one knee and they call her UNO. Yo mama's got one leg talkin' bout "Ain't no half steppin." Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth. Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys. Yo mama's got a glass eye with a fish in it. Yo mama's got so many rings around belly she's gotta screw her underwear on. Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail. Yo mama's got so much hair under her arms, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock. Yo mama's got three fingers and a banjo. Yo mama's got ingrown nipples. Yo mama's got three teeth... one in her mouth and two in her pocket. Yo mama's got two wooden legs and one is one backward. Yo mama ain't got no ears talkin' bout "I hear ya." Yo mama ain't got no fingers talkin' bout "Oh snap." Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout how she's gonna run for president. Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout how she's running things. Yo mama has one arm and swims in circles. Yo mama has 10 fingers - all on the same hand. Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. Yo mama's has wooden tits and breast feeds beavers. Yo mama has a `fro with warning lights. Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles. Yo mama has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back. Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree. Yo mama has one ear and a burnt potato chip. Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying. Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper. Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle. Yo mama has one short arm and can't applaud. Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. Yo mama has so much hair on her chest, her tits look like coconuts. Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ways to be anoying | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub." 10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 12. Sniffle incessantly. 13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace." 19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. 21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. 23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." 26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 34. Drum on every available surface. 35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. 37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. 38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. 39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. 40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. 41. Set alarms for random times. 42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. 43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. 44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 45. Honk and wave to strangers. 46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. 47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. 48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. 49. Wear your pants backwards. 50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" 52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 53. only type in lowercase. 54. dont use any punctuation either 55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. 59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. 60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories. 61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." 66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." 69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. 71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. 72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 73. Drive half a block. 74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 75. Ask people what gender they are. 76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. 77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. 78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes." 79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. 82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." 84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 86. Wear a LOT of cologne. 87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 88. Sing along at the opera. 89. Mow your lawn with scissors. 90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" 91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." 92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." 95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 96. Never make eye contact. 97. Never break eye contact. 98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. 99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Geek T-shirt Sloagens | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe | halted. 2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key 3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 4. 2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2. 5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. 8. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL 9. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN 10. <--------------The information went data way ---------------- 11. Best file compression around: "DEL."=100% compression 12. The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. 13. BREAKFAST>COM Halted . . . Cereal Port Not Responding 14. The name is Baud . . . ., James Baud 15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah na! 17. C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! 19. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" 20. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. 21. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 22. Backups? We Don' NEED no steenking backups. 23. E Pluribus Modem 24. > File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 25. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny 26. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. 27. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. 28. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Reboot Washington, D.C. (Y/N)? 29. Does fuzzy logic tickle? 30. A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. 31. 11th commandment: Covet not thy neighbors Pentium. 32. 24 hours a day . . . 24 diet Cokes in a case . . .Coincidence? 33. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. 34. Windows: just another pane. 35. SENILE.COM found . . . Out of Memory 36. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? 37. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. 38. RAM disk is not an installation procedure. 39. Shell to DOS . . . Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS . . . 40. All computers wait at the same speed. 41. Definition: Computer: a device designed to speed and automate errors. 42. Press -- to continue . . . 44. Enter any 11 digit prime number to continue . . . 45. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 46. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. 47. Help! I'm modeming . . .and I can't hang up!!!! 48. Allwiyht. Rho sritched mg kebord awound? 49. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue . . . 50. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates, 1981 51. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS 52. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS 53. Press any key . . .no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!
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